lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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