Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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