four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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