What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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