Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
