I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
