I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
