can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize