please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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