Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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