Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
