I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
