these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize