while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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