Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
