maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
