She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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