I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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