You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
