Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize