left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
