You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dick has a subreddit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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