I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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