I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
