but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
