he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
