Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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