alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize