Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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