I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
