Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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