you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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