i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
