Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
