I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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