Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
