someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
