does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
