Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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