Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
