people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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