She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
