Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
