I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
