I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
