we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
