She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
