My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Welp...herpes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
