Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
