He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
