FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
