that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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