KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
