I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize