Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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