Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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