If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
