You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Randomize
