I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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