just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
