So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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