I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
