Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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