I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
