True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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