Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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